The Laws of Traffic in Pittsburgh

I've had a lot of fun adventures on the local roads lately. Like everytime I try to turn onto Centre Ave. My road is about a half a block from a traffic light, but do people approaching a red light let a person merge in? Of course not! And then when my car is perpendicular to theirs as they sit there and I am inching dangerously close to their driver side door to indicate to the next fool in line that I'm not taking no for an answer anymore - the driver stares stonily ahead, pretending not to notice me. Meanwhile, the next car in line is readying their hand above the horn so that they can honk at me immediately after the light turns green.

And what is with people waiting at a red light with every intention of turning left, but not using their turn signal until the light turns green? Listen everyone, if you put your turn signal on while the light is still red, there's a chance the person coming the other direction will give you a free pass when the light turns green. It's worth a shot, anyhow. More importantly, though, people behind you will know to leave plenty of room between your car and theirs so that they might have a shot at getting around you while the light is still green instead of having to wait through it while you're waiting for a yellow light to turn on.

And populace of America's Most Livable (and Least Navigable) City: stop honking at me! I am a kind, courteous, and incredibly defensive driver. I allow others to merge in front of me. I stop for pedestrians in crosswalks. I always use my turn signal. If my yielding to another car while in front of you causes you an extra 15 seconds of drive time, that hardly warrants a honk. And, fair warning, I honk right back.

One more thing. We all have experience with the tiny crowded streets of South Oakland. It's a complete mess back there. If I have to drop something off at a friend's house on a dead, one way street and I leave my car with the flashers on as far off the road as I can possibly get it - cut me the slack of the 30 seconds it will take if, for some reason, you're driving a car that is too large to fit by mine. Here's what you shouldn't do: pull up so close to my parked car that I can't squeeze between our cars to get back into the driver's seat and then refuse to back up so that I can actually pull out of the partial parking space I am in. That isn't helpful to anyone, and that will get you honked at. And I may possibly throw you the bird, depending upon how long you make me wait before you back up so I can get out of your way.

Lesson for the day: Why road rage when you can road rave? Promote driver seat dancing and improve your daily commute!

It's not my fault! I have a mental disorder.

I'm completely horrified by this article.







Apparently a fifth of us have mental problems. After interacting with "us," I can tell you with certainty that isn't true. 4/5ths of us likely have mental problems, and those who don't will soon.

It's a definitional problem. You see, you're not really sad; you're depressed. You're not happy; you're manic. Swing between the two? That's bipolar disorder. Stressed out about your bills? Anxiety disorder. Acting up in class? Could be ADHD, could be tourettes. Worried about the future? Must be paranoia. Committing crime? That's called sociopathy.

Sure, there's genuine mental illness out there, but psychiatrists, therapists, psychologists, therapeutic staff support, and crisis workers are all employed for one purpose: to diagnose what ails you. Anyone could walk into a mental health clinic and come out with medication. In fact, depending on the day and your mood, you might just find yourself locked in and inpatient unit.

But hey, it wouldn't be your fault. You have a mental disorder.

Lesson for the day: Don't forget to refill your prescription!

Motivation in Your Face!

I felt compelled to create this blog today. I've been thinking about it for quite some time. I read in the Post Gazette about the void left by PittGirl's sudden absence and I'd like to bring cynicism back to the Pittsburgh blog scene, with just a touch of life skills teaching.

I was walking to the bus stop when I noticed the 71A coming down 5th Avenue behind me. It was 2 blocks away and I was 1 block from the stop. I started to run. Fast. I haven't done that in years. There was a man standing at the bus stop and the light was due to change to yellow at any minute so I figured I was golden. I kept running.

All of a sudden, humanity stood still. The man made eye contact with me as the bus pulled up beside me. I was still running. I had 25, maybe 30 feet to go. The bus slowed down. The light turned yellow. I was going to catch it!

But, wait! The man stepped back from the stop! Perhaps he wanted the 71D or the EBO or some other godforsaken route! As he stepped back, the bus driver floored it through the red light and I let loose with a stream of curse words that would shame my sailor uncle. All I could do was look at the man and breathe heavily.

Lesson for the day: Go ahead and walk, you probably need the exercise anyway. Don't forget to watch for traffic and random jerks on the street.